Out on a Limb Read online

“Wasn’t there something in the news last year about Oakland Heights?” I asked. “A fire, maybe?”

  Luanne found a country music station to her liking and sat back. “A fire caused by a gas leak, I seem to think. Nothing worthy of Jessica’s breathless coverage.”

  I shrugged, then turned my attention to the increasing amount of traffic as we approached the scene of the demonstration. Oakland Heights was on the east side of Farberville, within the city limits but in an area that still had a few farmhouses, pastures, and stretches of woods. Several sprawling apartment complexes had sprung up since I’d last driven that way. I wondered if Anthony Armstrong was responsible.

  A car pulled out, allowing us to find a space near the entrance to the condos. The lot itself was packed with vehicles parked haphazardly, including a van from the TV station. Jessica Princeton was likely to be inside it, making sure her Up gloss would still glisten if she had to emerge to provide live coverage of Farberville’s first brawl that did not involve fraternity boys, alcohol, and football. As we walked toward the back of the lot, where we presumed Phase Two was in the works, a very irate young man shouted, “Do something, damn it!”

  I stopped, hoping he-was not addressing me since I had no idea what he had in mind. Haul Miss Parchester off the platform? Bulldoze the oak tree? Tie a yellow ribbon around it?

  “Over there,” Luanne whispered.

  In front of one of the units were two young men. Neither was smiling. The one with the more ferocious expression had shaggy black hair that flopped over his forehead, thin lips, and the angular jaw of a pugilist begging for a right hook. He wore a gray sweatshirt and jeans, standard campus attire for all but the dedicated preppies who aspired to become partners in their daddies’ law firms. The other man, his face round and flushed, wore a blue uniform with a patch on his shoulder, leading me to deduce a la Miss Marple that he was the security officer Caron had mentioned.

  The latter began to sputter. “Why doncha give me a break? I already told you I can’t do anything. I warned them they was trespassing when they parked here, but nobody listened/Even the folks from the TV station ignored me. You want I should shoot them all?”

  “I have a seminar in thirty minutes. How am I supposed to get there—hitchhike?”

  “Beats me,” the officer said, then walked toward the back of the parking lot, where the crowd had gathered.

  “This is insane!” howled the floppy-haired man. “There’s no way I can get my car out! What’s happened to my rights as a private citizen? What about my seminar?”

  I decided to “intervene before he went berserk and attacked Miss Parchester and the other Farberville Greens. “Excuse me,” I said, “but we can give you a ride to the campus in a few minutes. I just need to speak to someone, and then I can drop you off in front of whichever building you prefer.”

  “Who are you?” he demanded, huffing and puffing as only a graduate student can.

  Luanne, whose Yankee blood comes to a boil every now and then, nudged me aside. “She is someone who has offered you a ride. If you are concerned that this is a ploy to take you to a remote county road, steal your wallet, and leave your battered body beside a scummy pond where your bodily fluids will be sucked by mosquitoes and leeches, then by all means start hitching a ride. I suggest you do so briskly.”

  He gaped at her, then pushed back his hair. “No, I’d appreciate a ride. It’s just been—well, a bad day, and now this. I’ll get my backpack and wait here for you.” We watched him walk over to his condo and enter it.

  Luanne and I resumed walking. A few people were heading in the same direction, but an equal number were coming the opposite way, now more interested in getting home than in staring at an elderly woman on a platform in a tree. The rednecks were milling around at the edge of the pavement, mumbling among themselves and, I hoped, tiring of the situation. The Farberville Green Party postured near the tree, clearly prepared to bash anyone who might dare to approach. The security officer had managed to evaporate for the time being. Where he’d found refuge was hard to determine, but I doubted his presence would do anything to help.

  “Miss Parchester?” I called as we arrived at the nowinfamous tree. “It’s Claire Malloy.”

  Her pink face, ringed with fluffy white hair, appeared at the edge of the platform. “How delightful of you to drop by, Claire. I’d offer you a cup of tea, but I cannot allow anyone to join me up here. You would, I think, enjoy the view, especially now. I can see the towers of Old Main as they are silhouetted in the rosy hues of the sunset. I wish I’d thought to bring my watercolors and a pad.”

  “I need to come up there,” I said flatly.

  Finnigan Baybergen moved in as though I’d brandished a chain saw. “Miss Parchester has chosen to hold a solitary vigil. No one will be allowed to join her.”

  Luanne poked him so hard he nearly fell backward. “Listen here, buddy, if you don’t back off, I’ll back you off the bluff. Miss Parchester is not a poster child for your movement. She is more than capable of deciding for herself if she does or does not wish to entertain guests on this thing you’ve built.”

  “We had a meeting last night,” he said as he rubbed his shoulder.

  “I don’t care if your meeting was in Yalta.”

  “Actually, it was at the Unitarian Center.”

  Luanne advanced again on him. “And you drew straws to determine who would risk his or her life to sit in a tree? What about you, Assistant Professor Baybergen? Afraid of heights?”

  I ignored both of them. “Why can’t I join you, Miss Parchester?”

  “I really don’t see why not,” she said, looking a bit confused. “It’s not as if you’re going to drag me down, is it?”

  “No, I promise I won’t do that. I’d just like to make sure you’re safe up there. Why don’t you drop the ladder and allow me to join you for a few minutes?”

  A dubious contraption of rope and wooden crosspieces tumbled off the platform. I reminded myself that Miss Parchester, who was at least thirty years older than I, had used it to scramble up.

  I may have been breathing heavily when I reached the platform, but I was reasonably calm. Miss Parchester helped me crawl away from the edge, then hauled up the ladder, squeezed my hand, and said, “This is so very kind of you, Claire. I must admit this is a bit stressful. Finnigan has done everything he can to assure my comfort and safety, but…”

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do, Miss Parchester? Perhaps Finnigan or one of the other Green Party brigade ought to be here. Why did you agree to do this?”

  “How about a nice cup of tea? I have this darling little propane stove. It won’t take a minute to heat a kettle of water.”

  “Why you?” I persisted.

  “Because I believe in the cause, my dear. We must pass along a proud heritage to the next generation, and the generations to come. How would you feel if you knew your grandchildren would spend their lives surrounded by asphalt? The Earth is precious, and we must fight to preserve it—trees, fields, birds, rivers free of pollutants that cause diseases, expanses of clover and black-eyed Susans, deer and foxes coexisting with domesticated animals. How can we sit at home and allow this to be destroyed by greedy men who would eradicate the intrinsic essence of nature in order to build tacky condominiums?”

  I refused to be distracted by her Utopian manifesto. “Miss Parchester, your heart may be righteous, but it’s going to be cold tonight. At best, you can delay the bulldozers by a few days. The deer and the antelope are going to have to play somewhere else sooner or later.”

  “Then it shall be later. Lemon and sugar?”

  “You’ll be arrested for trespassing.”

  “So be it. Papa always admired those who availed themselves of civil disobedience when no other options were left. If I am physically removed, I shall be kicking and screaming. Finnigan has assured me that legal assistance will be available.” She glanced down at the protesters. “He has also assured me that should this developer choose to have me
forcibly removed, national media will be on hand to record the brutality. It’s quite likely I shall have a heart attack.”

  “Miss Parchester—” I gurgled.

  “Or perhaps a stroke,” she added. “I haven’t decided which might be more effective. In either case, the film clip of an old woman being dragged to the ground will be the lead story on every channel. Finnigan has been in touch with the major cable news channels. CNN has promised to send a crew in the next few days, as have its competitors.”

  I accepted a cup of tea from the Mad Hatter. “So you volunteered because of the potential publicity factor?”

  “I’ve never underestimated you, dear.”

  She began to stir her tea as if she and I were sitting in her parlor, surrounded by piles of ancient yearbooks and yellowed newspaper clippings trumpeting her papa’s accomplishments in the courtroom. Below us, voices were belligerent as opposing parties debated the issue. Luanne and Finnigan Baybergen were in each other’s faces; I couldn’t hear the exchange, but I could see it was not amicable. The rednecks were no longer present, although I was not at all confident they were gone for the night

  “Miss Parchester,” I said without much hope, “it’s dangerous for you to sleep here. The temperature’s going to drop to forty, maybe lower. If you should happen to wake up and not realize where you are, you might—”

  “I am linked to my tree,” she said as she held out her ankle so I could see the cuff attached to a chain that wrapped around the trunk of the tree. “I suppose I might take a misstep and dangle, but I cannot fall all the way to the ground. It may well be uncomfortable, but Finnigan has the key.”

  The tea turned to acid in my mouth. “If you fall off the platform, only Finnigan can release you? You’ll swing by your ankle until he rescues you?”

  “Like a pendulum,” she agreed with a giggle.

  It took me a moment to respond. “And he will be here all night, right?”

  “I shouldn’t think so. He and the other members of the Green Party will stay until the media and sightseers leave. After that, I shall crawl into my sleeping bag and watch the moonlight through the branches. The whip poorwills will keep me company until dawn breaks.”

  “But what if…” I said weakly. The platform was ten feet above the ground. The image of her taking a tumble and then swinging helplessly made my stomach churn. I wasn’t sure exactly how old she was, but I had no doubt she was too old to take up this newly created gymnastic event. “If you should fall…”

  “Then I shall be a martyr, and Anthony Armstrong will never find the nerve to destroy this tree and those around it. The public outcry will be too much for him. I would rather have this vibrant stand of oak trees than a cold marble slab in a cemetery. A tasteful plaque would be nice, perhaps at the base of the tree. Bronze, I think.”

  She might be able to think, but I certainly wasn’t. I finished my tea, then said, “Is there any chance I can talk you out of this? What about your dogs? Who’ll look after them?”

  “Nick and Nora are staying at my niece’s house in the country. She doesn’t appreciate their sensitive natures but has promised to see to them until I return. She’s a fine girl, very solid and reliable. I shall miss them, but Papa always said that civic responsibility was more important than individual needs. Mahatma Gandhi sacrificed his life for the good of humanity; surely I can survive minor deprivation and discomfort to do what I can to protect our legacy.”

  “Just how long are you prepared to stay here?”

  “Well, Mr. Constantine—he’s the unfortunately flatulent gentleman behind Finnigan—is a retired lawyer. He’s planning to file a suit tomorrow that claims this particular grove is an essential stopover for migratory hawks, which means there would be a violation of EPA regulations concerning protected species if the habitat was destroyed. We may not win the case, but we’re hoping for an emergency restraining order. He hopes to get a hearing within a day or two.”

  “A day or two, Miss Parchester?” I said, trying not to sound exasperated. “Couldn’t the Farberville Greens have chosen someone else?”

  She gave me a look that must have quelled whispering in the back of her classroom. “What is it you’re trying to say, Claire? Am I too old to protest injustice? Should I sit in a rocking chair on the porch and quietly wait for my eyesight to fade and my memory to diminish?”

  I caught her hand. “Of course not, Miss Parchester. It’s just that, well, it’s going to be a hardship for you. You’re in danger from the elements, as well as those unsavory men. I’d feel better if your supporters planned to stay the night.”

  “Finnigan has classes in the morning, and Mr. Constantine will be at the courthouse. I don’t see how the others would fare much better than I. My sleeping bag is filled with down. Miss Whitbred gave me a lovely set of thermal underwear and woolen socks, and the Margolises contributed a thermos so that I can keep my tea hot all night. Eliza Peterson brought along several paperback books, although, I must admit, I question her taste. Some of the covers are quite racy. Louis Ferncliff baked his special almond coconut brownies. Would you like one?”

  “You had a tree-sitting shower?”

  Miss Parchester smiled sadly. “I’d always dreamed of a bridal shower. This will have to suffice.”

  I had run out of things to say that might persuade her to come down from the tree. The night would be chilly, but she seemed well equipped. Finnigan Baybergen had not struck me as someone capable of staring down a bulldozer. Miss Parchester, on the other hand, had survived forty years at Farberville High School. Thousands of teenagers, year after year, all with acne and shiftyeyed excuses, all presuming they could outwit her. Despite their youthful bravado, there had never been a level playing field.

  “Do you have a cell phone?” I asked.

  “Yes, Finnigan insisted I take his, although it’s a peculiar little thing and I doubt I can operate it. So many buttons, you know.” She brandished a rectangular object that very well might have been an almond coconut brownie, minus the crumbs. “He explained at very great length. I don’t suppose you remember when otie could merely pick up the receiver and wait for the operator to ask whom you wished to call. When I was a child, I could ask for Mama and the operator would track her down. These days there are so many numbers to be dialed or punched or even entered—whatever that means. Fve entered rooms and entered contests, but I’ve never entered numbers. It’s all quite alien, I’m afraid.”

  I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “If you’re the least bit worried about this …”

  “Not at all, dear Claire. Anthony Armstrong will never risk the negative publicity that should arise if I, a gentlewoman of a certain age, were to be dragged from this platform. He knows well that the media will capture it all and he will find himself the object of outrage not only locally, but across the country. I shall protect the tree, and it shall protect me from harm’s way.” She dropped the ladder off the edge of the platform and gave me a twinkly smile. “Thank you for dropping by, Claire. Do come again when you’re in the neighborhood.”

  I had been dismissed. I fumbled and swung until I reached the ground, then watched helplessly as she pulled the ladder back up and disappeared from view. I wondered if I should confront Finnigan Baybergen and try to convince him of the insanity of the scheme. It was, however, devious and well thought out. Construction workers might have been able to drag a squirmy, greasy-haired youth out of the tree, even breaking a few bones in the process, but the very idea of anyone causing harm to Miss Parchester, with her rosy cheeks, porcelain complexion, and faded blue eyes, would be reviled in the national spotlight.

  “Let’s go,” I said to Luanne, who was glaring at the demonstrators as if she were a bull charging into an arena. The slightest flicker of red and bloodshed would ensue.

  “These people are morons. Oh, yes, good cause and all, but the very idea of allowing—”

  I caught her arm. “It’s as much Miss Parchester’s scheme as theirs.” I told her about the hoped-
for injunction, then added, “This whole situation may be resolved by tomorrow. There’s nothing we can do short of pitching a tent and toasting marshmallows over a candle.”

  Luanne shrugged. “I suppose not.”

  Finnigan Baybergen was hovering nearby, looking as though he was torn between punching me in the nose or scratching a bad grade on a midterm paper. I’d spent too many years in academia to feel threatened by either. I let go of Luanne and went over to talk to him. His hps receded, but he held his ground.

  “Who are you to interfere?” he demanded.

  “A friend of Miss Parchester,” I said evenly. “I find it irresponsible that you and your merry band of mischief-makers are willing to go home and allow her to stay here alone tonight. What about those rednecks who were here earlier? They or others of the same subspecies could come back, you know. Your goals may be lofty, but you seem to be willing to put a woman of her age in danger while you watch yourselves on the latenight news.”

  “After you take a hot shower,” Luanne said, looming over my shoulder, “and make yourself a toddy. You’re half her age, for pity’s sake. Have you been camping since you were a Boy Scout?”

  Finnigan stiffened. “I happen to have spent three weeks in Alaska test summer. Conditions were quite primitive, and on two occasions we discovered evidence that a bear had been prowling outside the cabin. Nonetheless, that is irrelevant. The Farberville Green Party has its agenda. Miss Parchester was not coerced; she volunteered.”

  I nudged Luanne away and stared at Finnigan. “So you’re going to allow her to sleep on the platform with no one but that inept security guard to make sure she’s safe?”

  He gave me a supercilious smile. “I don’t understand why this is any of your concern. You insult Miss Parchester by implying that she is incapable of deciding to take a stand to protect these trees. You said you were her friend. Do you think she’s feebleminded, a lamb to be sacrificed for our evil goals?”

  “She’s not that,” I admitted, glancing at the platform.

  “And she’s armed,” he said softly. “Despite her objections, Joseph Margolis insisted that she take his handgun. She argued vehemently, but we persuaded her to tuck it in the duffel bag. With the ladder pulled up, nobody should be able to disturb her. But if someone does…”