The Merry Wives of Maggody Read online

  “I enjoy traveling into uncharted territory,” he said. “I’ve been to every continent except Antarctica, and I’ll find a way to get there before I die. In a past life, I must have been a wandering albatross.”

  “You have a knack for wandering around the truth. Please save this philosophical crap for your cabernet crowd. That reminds me—I need the napkin with the professor’s name and address. You said you have it in your car.”

  “It’ll take me some time to find it. I don’t want to make you wait while I sort through the contents of the glove compartment. I’ll drop it off at your police station in a day or two.”

  “I don’t mind waiting,” I said. “In fact, this will give me a chance to see this classic car I’ve been hearing about.” I headed for the door that led through the utility room to the garage. “Are you coming?”

  The black car was dauntingly large and shiny. It had a peculiar bump on the top of the trunk, the size and shape of a tire. Even in minimal light, chrome glistened. It fit into the garage with only inches to spare. “Wow,” I murmured as I squeezed between the bumper and the garage door. “Go ahead and find the napkin, Frederick. I promise not to leave any smudges or fingerprints.” I glanced across the top of the car at Frederick, who was in the doorway, his arms crossed. He did not look like a proud owner, graciously accepting compliments. “I wish I had leather seats. The upholstery in my car is so dirty and faded that I don’t know what color it was originally. One of these days the car’s going to up and die on me.”

  “We need to talk,” Frederick said, then went back into the house.

  Rather than squeeze my way back around, I got in the backseat and slid across the gray leather. It was wide and comfy, a lovely spot to take a nap. I rested for a minute, then went into the kitchen to find out what his next fabrication would be.

  He was seated at the dinette with bottles of gin and tonic water, a sliced lime, and two glasses. “Mrs. Jim Bob was unable to finish the gin. I hauled her upstairs and put her to bed. Oh dear, you’re on duty. I promise I won’t tell Mayor Jim Bob.”

  “Tell him anything you want, including the fact that his wife passed out in broad daylight—and on Sunday, to boot.” I sat down across from him. “Are you changing your story about your whereabouts last night?”

  “I have an old friend who lives in Farberville. We spent the evening together. She’s married, and her husband is on a business trip. Although all we did was talk, I don’t want to put her in a compromising situation.”

  “How considerate of you,” I said coldly, “but I need her to confirm it.”

  “I don’t see why. Her husband will arrive home this afternoon.”

  “And you’re too much of a gentleman to endanger her reputation.” I shook my head. “You’re nowhere near the top of my list of suspects, but I’d like to cross you off so I can turn my attention elsewhere. I can’t do that until your alibi is confirmed. For all I know, you could have parked your car in a dark corner of the SuperSaver lot and waited for Tommy. Furthermore, you’re going to have to tell me who you really are.”

  He wasn’t squirming in his seat, or allowing any trace of nervousness to be reflected in his eyes, but I could almost smell his adrenaline pumping. “I will not divulge the lady’s name unless you have strong cause to suspect me,” he said at last. “I had no motive to murder Tommy Ridner. I am Frederick Cartier, and I’m from Mississippi. I have no paper trail because I choose not to. My income is nontaxable and I don’t have a job. My pocket was picked in a Vegas casino, so I can’t show you a driver’s license. If you will be so kind as to excuse me, I’d like to rest now.” He took his glass and left the kitchen; seconds later I heard his footsteps on the staircase.

  If I’d thought I was going to bell the cat, I had underestimated its wiliness. I hadn’t gotten within arm’s length. Frederick had produced another alibi, equally flimsy. He was aware that I had no particular reason to suspect him. But he didn’t know, I thought smugly as I went out to my car, that I had memorized his license plate number.

  I stopped at the PD and called Les to ask him to run the number, then went to Ruby Bee’s for lunch. The local men were sitting in booths by the jukebox, glumly eating burgers and onion rings. The lone man in the corner appeared to be asleep. The proprietress and her partner in crime were conversing across the bar. As I approached, they broke it off as if I were an undercover agent sent by the state ABC to make sure no beer trickled out of the tap.

  “How are you feeling?” asked Ruby Bee. “Have you talked to Jack?”

  “Since you last asked a couple of hours ago?” I sat on a stool next to Estelle. “Any chicken left?”

  “I’ll see.” Ruby Bee picked up some dirty dishes and went into the kitchen.

  Estelle tilted her head so she could peer down her nose at me. “You’re making your mother sick with worry. I can tell just by looking at her that she’s not getting enough sleep. She’s liable to break out in hives if you don’t set her mind at ease.”

  “I can’t call Jack,” I said patiently, “and he can’t call me until he returns to civilization. The National Geographic Society can contact them in case of an emergency. Getting knocked up doesn’t qualify.”

  “You could let Ruby Bee go with you to your next appointment with the obstetrician.”

  “That’s a good idea. Maybe it’ll calm her down a little bit to know I’m not having quintuplets. I’m not even having twins, in case that was your next question. One baby, gender unknown. If you’re planning to knit booties, avoid blue and pink.”

  Estelle nibbled her lip as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror behind the bar. “My third cousin’s stepdaughter’s entire layette was in camouflage, right down to the diapers. They were counting on a boy, but they got a girl. You never know, do you?”

  “I guess not.” I paused when Ruby Bee emerged with a plate piled high with chicken, dressing, mashed potatoes, and gravy. “Thanks. I was going to eat earlier, but I ended up talking to Kathleen Wasson. Her version doesn’t jibe with my information. I don’t suppose you ran across anything of interest while you cleaned their room?”

  “This ain’t the Hilton,” Ruby Bee said. “I made the beds and left fresh towels. I didn’t set foot in Tommy’s room yesterday, and I ain’t about to clean Phil Proodle’s room tomorrow morning until he checks out. I’ll have to fumigate it and shampoo the carpet. It’ll stink worse than a derelict outhouse.”

  “You haven’t fallen for his charm?” I asked as I ate.

  Estelle snorted. “There’s nothing charming about a maudlin drunk. He was in here last night, darn near blubbering about that boat. I don’t know what got into him. Since Tommy was killed, it can go back to his lot.”

  “The boat’s been impounded,” I said. “Even if the case is solved soon, it’ll take time to get it released. All sorts of judges, clerks, and officials have to sign paperwork, and since it’s low priority, nobody will be in a hurry.”

  “Well, he deserves it,” Ruby Bee said. “I disliked him the minute he marched in here and demanded a room. He’s as sneaky and mean as a muskrat. The next time one of his commercials comes on, I’m gonna change channels!”

  “That’ll show him a thing or two,” I said. “Better yet, buy your next party barge online. Just watch out for ‘Some Assembly Required’ or ‘Batteries Not Included.’ ”

  “You making any progress?”

  I put down my fork. “I’m not going to tell you anything until both of you promise not to meddle. Your intentions may be good, but your efforts lead to disaster.”

  “We promise,” they said in unison, like angelic members of the choir.

  I didn’t believe them, but I needed to talk things out, and Harve was glued to his recliner for the duration. “There was a little problem at Eileen’s house earlier,” I said, then described the scene. “My best guess is that Bony made crude advances. Unfortunately, he isn’t permanently disabled.”

  “If Earl hears of it, Bony will end up on crutches just
the same,” Ruby Bee said. “I never trusted him when he came summers. He spied on folks staying out back.”

  Estelle sniffed. “I knew right away there was something wrong with him. He stomped all over my marigolds and stole a pot of begonias off my porch. Elsie nearly caught him red-handed throwing eggs at her house.”

  “I heard it was Sacramenta Buchanon’s youngest,” Ruby Bee said. “Bony had been sent home the week before on account of getting drunk out by the creek.”

  “So now you’re making up an alibi for him?” Estelle said disdainfully.

  Ruby Bee gasped. “How dare you accuse me of making up anything!”

  I jumped in before Estelle could respond. “After I left Eileen’s, I went to talk to Mrs. Jim Bob’s houseguest. He’s harder to grasp than an eel. I couldn’t get a straight answer out of him. He told me he’s sixty-two and was born in Mississippi. I don’t know if either of those is true. I don’t know why he’s in town. Bony says it was Frederick’s idea, and Frederick says it was Bony’s. This isn’t a Top Ten vacation destination.”

  Estelle wasn’t about to be nudged aside. “Bony has kin here, so most likely it was his idea. This fellow just came along out of curiosity. You have to admit Maggody has a unique culture, if you take incest and moonshine into consideration. I’m surprised someone hasn’t written a book about all the nonsense that goes on in this little town. It’d have to be sold as fiction, though, since nobody would ever believe it.”

  “Stranger than fiction,” I said. “See y’all later.”

  It occurred to me as I went out the back door that I hadn’t had dessert. I wavered briefly, then went to the Gilberts’ room to find out about the purported bet. No one answered the door when I knocked, but their car was there. I knocked again, then waited. I wasn’t about to barge in on them if they were in the midst of an afternoon delight. Cursing under my breath, I was trying to figure out what to do when Luke came out of Proodle’s room.

  He nodded at me. “Afternoon, Chief Hanks.”

  “Is Proodle in his room?”

  “In bed, sucking on an empty bourbon bottle. He got all teary when he heard the news about the boat being impounded.”

  “I need to ask you a few questions.” I took out the master key and unlocked the door of the unoccupied motel room, opened the curtains, and sat down on one of the twin beds. He sat down on the other, watching me as if I might be a vampire.

  “I heard you’re staying with Bopeep at the trailer park,” I began. “How long?”

  “A few weeks. I didn’t have a job, and she said I might be able to find day work around here.”

  He was a lot more handsome than Bopeep’s typical boyfriends, most of whom were covered with tattoos and scars. His eyes were brown and ringed with lashes, his face slightly round, his hair curly; he would still be carded at bars when he was thirty. Or forty.

  “You did some time at the state prison,” I said.

  “Yeah, I sold a little pot to the wrong person. My bad.”

  He obviously wasn’t going to spill his life story without prodding. I’d once interrogated a suspect in a murder for nineteen hours. By the time the guy shut his mouth, I knew everything about his parents, teachers, disappointing birthdays, phobias, pets—and where he buried the body. I wasn’t sure it was worth it.

  “You’re a veteran, right?” I asked.

  “I enlisted in the army after I graduated from high school. Damn stupid thing to do, but I was all pumped up with the idea of going into battle. I did four years and quit. My last lady friend kicked me out, so I accepted Bopeep’s invitation.” He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket but put it away when I shook my head.

  “Have you ever played golf before?”

  “I used to fool around some, but there aren’t any putting greens at the prison farm. Do you reckon that’s cruel and unusual punishment?”

  “Right up there with torture. Write your congressman. Did you play a practice round on Friday?”

  “No, I was too busy trying to find a place to sleep. Bopeep dumped all my clothes and stuff outside the trailer and told me to stick a golf club someplace that sounds damn uncomfortable. I’d played the course a couple of times after Earl mowed. Snakes all over the place. I didn’t see any reason to risk my life until it mattered.”

  “Did you notice the marijuana plants in the rough?” I asked.

  “I can’t say I did, but I believe you. Raz is a real nature lover, roaming all over Cotter’s Ridge, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. ’Shine, anyway.”

  The pot was the least of my woes. “You were at the party Friday night, I’m assuming, and again last night. Lots of anger aimed at Tommy, and lots of beer. Tell me about the shoot-out at the stoplight.”

  He lay across the bed and propped his head on his bent arm. “Everybody tried to keep their voices low, so they were hissing at each other like geese. The redhead was griping about how childish it was and on and on. Jim Bob came damn close to making a divot in the pavement. It may have been on purpose, since it was Ridner’s driver. Jeremiah was bent over double behind the motel sign. There was so much confusion that it took an hour for everybody to take a shot. After Ridner hit the stoplight, it got real nasty. I decided to go sleep in a shack on Cotter’s Ridge.”

  “What about Natalie Hotz?”

  “She was a little unsteady on her feet, so I walked her to the door of her room. My mama taught me to look after ladies in distress.” He grinned at me. “You feeling any distress, Chief Hanks?”

  “Then you headed for the shack?”

  “Took me half the night to find it in the dark. This morning I took a shower at Roy’s, and then he drove me to the golf course. Do you think it’ll be okay if I take a nap here? I don’t want to get on Ruby Bee’s bad side.”

  “Neither do I,” I said as I left.

  Twelve

  I knocked again on the Gilberts’ door, and this time Amanda opened it. She was wearing a T-shirt and had a towel wrapped around her head. Her face was damp. My rigorous training at the police academy led me to theorize that she’d been in the shower.

  “May I come in?” I said. “I’d like to ask you and your husband some questions.”

  “Sure, but Dennis isn’t here. He went for a walk, although I have no idea where. He’s been brooding about Tommy’s death. They were friends for a long time, all the way back to elementary school. Like brothers, I guess.”

  I sat down on the corner of the bed. “Did that put a strain on your marriage?”

  “It bothered Tommy when Dennis and I got married two years ago. He sulked for months because Dennis wasn’t as eager to play poker in the locker room half the night, or drink beer and watch football. Tommy ran a business during the day, but at five o’clock he turned into a frat boy. I thought he was crude and boorish, but I put up with him for Dennis’s sake.”

  “How did you and Dennis meet?”

  “At a media conference in Dallas. His station sent him. At the time, I produced a local morning talk show about fashion and wardrobe tips. Dennis and I ended up at the hotel bar, having drinks. Our relationship took off from there. Three months later I cheerfully quit my job and moved to Farberville.” She studied my light blue shirt. “Let’s go shopping the next time you’re in town. You’ll look much better in earth tones. Sage green, cranberry, pumpkin, colors like that.”

  “Someone might nibble on me,” I said, smiling. If she was willing to feign friendliness, I was willing to reciprocate—as long as she didn’t pull out a suitcase filled with Barbie dolls and tiny accessories. “Are you a golfer?”

  “Good heavens, no. I find it incredibly boring, but occasionally I force myself to ride around the course in a cart when Dennis can’t find a partner. I try my best to stay awake when he tells me about every single shot on all eighteen holes. I have no idea why golfers find that so fascinating. Most of the time I don’t even know what he’s talking about. I mean, mulligans and doglegs and birdies?” She rolled her eyes for my benefit. “They sound li
ke soup ingredients.”

  “But not very good soup. Do you accompany Dennis to all the golf tournaments?”

  “I enjoy them, as long as there’s a decent bar in the clubhouse and parties in the evening.” She wrinkled her nose. “This place isn’t at all what I anticipated, and now we’re stuck here another day. Dennis feels like he should be doing something about Tommy, but he’s helpless until we get back to Farberville. I’m already planning a tasteful memorial service at the club. What do we do about the body?”

  “I’ll give you the medical examiner’s number,” I said, “but he’ll have to tell you the procedure. It probably depends on locating Tommy’s next of kin.”

  Amanda took a carry-on bag out of the closet. I held my breath until she pulled out a silver flask. “This is my emergency stash, and now’s definitely the time. I can’t think straight. Want a drink? It’s a cognac.”

  “No thanks.” I waited until she’d poured herself several inches. “I need to ask you about a bet between Dennis and Tommy. It concerns the tournament.”

  “That silly thing?” She laughed as she sat in a chair and crossed her legs. “How on earth did you hear about it? No, let me think. We were at the club . . .” Her eyes narrowed as she took a sip of cognac. “Janna Coulter. Tommy said something about seeing Natalie at the first tee, and Janna never lets her stray too far. She told you, right? Janna has absolutely no sense of humor. The kindest thing I can say about her is that she’s single-minded, in every sense.”

  “The source doesn’t matter. It’s my understanding that the bet was based on whether or not Tommy made a hole-in-one. If he lost, he had to pay Dennis a sum of money. If he won, then your, uh, sexual cooperation was the payoff.” I felt myself blushing, but Amanda didn’t so much as blink.

  “Tommy was trying to needle me, that’s all. I pretended to be outraged and stomped out of the room like a diva. Dennis admitted later that they’d joked about it a little longer, but that was the end of it. I accepted his apology and bought myself a pair of Manolo Blahnik stiletto heels in Tulsa the next day. I have no idea why you think it was anything more than juvenile blustering.”